Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Transition as Spectrum

Don't get me wrong - I love using spectra to convey gender and sexuality-related concepts to people, particularly those that have no understanding of nonbinary gender and/or presentation and/or attraction. We use it in all our campus education, and it surrounds all the more enlightened conversation regarding sexuality and gender I'm around. Because the feasible alternative at the moment is rigid binary, I've always breathed a sigh of relief when people around me start talking in terms of spectrum. But it really only goes so far, and when you're seeped in it, it breaks down, like anything.

My criticism arises, as always, first and foremost with my own experience with gender. "Transmasculine" is the label that applies to me by definition. I'm FAAB, DFAB, and grew up as a relatively feminine girl. I am no longer a feminine girl, instead opting to wear more masculine clothing and identify more closely with man identities than I used to. It seems at first glance to fit.

The reality is, however, that regardless of my presentation, I've been growing into and becoming a fan of femininity - my femininity - more and more the less I identify as a woman. This stuff's complicated, and the words "masculine" and "feminine" can be sticky. I'm uncomfortable identifying as transmasculine for the same reason I was uncomfortable identifying the she/her pronouns I used to use as "feminine" preferred pronouns. I didn't identify as feminine. Why should my pronouns be? I also don't identify as masculine. I've got something of my own that becomes more concrete as each day passes, but which remains obstinately nebulous and mysterious.

When I think of the type of body I want, it's not necessarily a masculine or male body I want, although I apparently see much of what I want in masculine, male bodies, because I envy them. When I think of the type of strength I aspire towards, it's not a woman's strength, but I desire and am humbled by and drawn to and inspired by women's strength. When I interact with feminine gay men, I feel a sense of other, but there's something about their characteristic confidence and love of desire that gives me energy. When I interact with butch lesbians and dykes, I also feel a sense of other - a more urgent sense of other, because I can feel myself being identified with them - but I also adore their preternatural combination of toughness and emotion. I never feel quite home among any of these groups, but I learn from them and create something within myself in their image.

I've often heard my trans* siblings describe a shift in their transition from transitioning toward a certain gender, a certain goal, to transitioning into themselves. I've long made this intellectual shift, but continuing to understand transition as binary, even with the grace of no man's land in the middle, means that I'm continually subconsciously defining myself in terms of men and women, when men and women aren't the point of this conversation. Has it ever fully occurred to any of us that there might be a space where neither men nor women belong? Neither men nor women own the space and have right to speak on behalf of it? That's the space I live and move and breathe in.

Self-justified merit to existence is an important realization that takes many queer people a long time to absorb. We are worthy to be defined as proper entities, not as opposition to cishet people. It's the, I'm not gay because I'm not straight - I'm gay because I am the way I am. I'm not bi because I'm a little bit gay and a little bit straight - I'm bi because I'm attracted to this mish-mash variety of genders and expressions and types of relationships I am attracted to. I'm not a woman because I've decided not to be a man - I'm a woman because it's the way I describe my identity. And just as all queer people must eventually come to this type of realization to grow into a proud self-identity, genderqueer people must realize that being what we are is not deciding to become less of a woman and more of a man, or less of a man and more of a woman. Binary people don't have to rule our worlds: we have every bit the right to define it as they do. For us, the norm is not and does not have to be femininity bound to femaleness bound to boobs and vulvas, or masculinity bound to maleness bound to dicks and flat-chestedness.

Perhaps it's not so for most people, but in our world, everything can be mixed up. It's beautiful, and it's okay. We are allowed our big, crazy salad of gendered and ungendered traits and tendencies and desires.

I'm not attracted to the type of femininity I am because of my "femininity," nor because of my "masculinity." We have no language to describe other traits, but I'm attracted to the type of femininity I am because my genderedness relates to the genders of people I'm attracted to in the way it does. I don't have long hair because I'm part woman. I also don't have to justify my long hair as part man. I feel badass with long hair and it's a perfect expression of my genderedness, and that's why I have long hair. I feel free and powerful in a flat chest and my South African accent - who knows what the hell the latter item has to do with my gender, but apparently it does. I do with my gender whatever makes me comfortable, I'm not trying to please or appease cishet society. That's the point of empowerment: getting rid of boundaries you may never have even thought you had, gaining the freedom and power within your own self to achieve the state of mind that allows you to completely and fully be.

So no, I'm not sure I like describing my gender in terms of "transmasculinity." Because I'm a man-ish transfeminine FAAB genderfuck of a mess, and I love it this way. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Sometimes it Cripples

It's finals week, and that comes with a lot of stress. I have an Organic Chemistry final tomorrow - that's enough in and of itself. But for some people, there are just so many things on top of that.

I'm angry for the friends of mine that are stunted by financial worries. This doesn't stop at anxiety over whether or not they'll be able to return next semester - it's about being stuck with issues I never thought to have. Anxiety over what kind of clothes to wear. Buying lots of stuff you're "saving" on even though you really can't afford to spend money on things for fun. A low-grade freak-out that you're not safe that permeates everything, every day. And let's be honest, I'm still sitting in a college dorm room. I have seen a snowflake on the tip of the iceberg. The people I'm talking about are only a few people. But two of them are my two best friends, so it gets to me.

The exhaustion I'm beginning to feel just by being around the stress induced by others' socioeconomic vulnerability is sometimes enough for me to feel demotivated as well. But financial stress is so far from the totality of the problem. In fact, with sole consideration to the couple people I mentioned above, that stress seems almost negligible in comparison to the trigger factor.

It is fucking impossible to resist the touch of depression as a queer person in West Michigan.

There is a window of time where it doesn't affect you, because no one action is enough to break bones. But when you're beaten down and tripped day after day after day, stress fractures slowly begin to mount, and your own personal struggles add to society's bullshit, and there are so many difficult parts of queer identity that almost seem unrelated to each other but aren't because you're just too fucking queer for anyone to deal with.... that you just begin to break.

Particularly with regard to the trans-female community, whatever power, defiance, strength, and hope I've found (and been so inspired by) is only a thing because there is an absurd amount of adversity and negativity to overcome. If you keep chin-up, at first it's totally bearable. But people so quickly lose the capacity for resilience when depression drives their performance down and their performance drives their respectability down and everything prevents healthcare needs from getting met and life becomes this gigantic spiral of negativity and hopelessness that drives people away and the less people you've got around to support you the less you're able to keep chin-up.

Every time I hear a friend go into crisis because they're self-conscious about being perceived as gay, or because they just can't deal with their family, or because no one likes them, or because there's no hope of getting on hormones anytime soon, or because the dating pool is basically nonexistent (and filled with many hopeless souls where it does exist), I just get a little angrier and a little more restless.

This has been a year. A single year. And I just don't want to have to deal with this anymore. I just want to GTFO like this society seems to want us to. I want a healthy, thriving community in which to become a better person. And goddammit, I want a healthy, thriving, QUEER community in which to become a better person. This counts all the more for people of color and disabled people and nonwestern immigrants and all other minorities. But it seems that this is what it's taken for the concept of privilege to finally hit home for me, because I finally feel the weight of membership in an involuntary beating club now. I feel the burning anger that so few from my own community, my own culture, my own family, are granted free passage to the best fruit from the tree, because their aching limbs prevent them from jumping higher than an inch off the ground. And every time a beautiful queer person goes home to recuperate from the strain of jumping to reach the fruit that day, they return with an empty stomach to depression waiting to cuddle with them in bed, to beat them into submission again - and again - and again - and again . . . just a little bit weaker every day.

Sometimes I just want to kick depression in the balls and walk away. It deserves a beating back.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Autocomplete is Sexist

Inspired by this article, I tried a few Google searches myself.










 (Because labor and menopause are such terrifying things. God forbid men might have to go through that horror. #gynophobia)







Apparently men have unparalleled great worth, for people to be discovering that maybe they're just "not worth it."







....Just some food for thought.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Story Card for LGBT+

I recently wrote the following as a quick synopsis of my experience as an LGBT person for an educational talk we give in the dorms on campus. It was so difficult to put everything into such a small package that I figured I'd repost it here... I'm proud of it :)


I was born female and raised with the assumption that I'd be a feminine woman and marry a man. I was never really a tomboy, but I was adamant that I was “not a girly-girl.” Nothing about being LGBT was familiar to me until I was 16, when I did some research and finally owned up that the love I'd had for girls was something beyond deep friendship. I'd had a crush on a boy before, so I came out as bi, and even had a relationship with a guy. But the older I got, the more I found that my attractions were extremely skewed toward women, and started identifying as lesbian. Something about that felt lacking, too, though, so I eventually settled for the label “queer,” which I feel communicates that I'm outside the heteronormative standard without constricting me to a definition. I kept finding more and more that my queerness applied itself to things other than just attraction, and that I didn't have to keep cramming myself into gender boxes if it would grant me peace not to. Now I'm slowly coming out as genderqueer: neither man nor woman. I can't be out to most people because it confuses them too much, but it's been so freeing and I make so much more sense to myself that I know this fits. I fully expect that things will continue to shift over time, but that doesn't bother me; I love being queer.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Gender Contingency in Relation to Constitution Metaphysics

Disclaimer: I'm not quite sure how seamlessly this stuff is put together, and I would actually appreciate feedback if you have any because I've only just started working on this argument. Also, I apologize for the awkward structure I had to cram the paper into because it was a philosophy paper. Maybe I'll fix that when I have more energy.


I. Introduction
As one of humanity's most prominent, universal, and (increasingly) variable ways of organizing and understanding itself, gender provides an invaluable vehicle with which to examine personhood. Traditional understandings of gender and sex as inextricably bound categories have begun to fade as gender roles, sexual orientations, gender presentations, and gender identities have diversified. In response to this unraveling, I find it necessary to ask the following questions: how does gender relate to the nature of the self and of human beings? How permanent is gender, and upon what set of conditions is its flexibility contingent? In this paper, I will argue from within a constitution view of metaphysics that gender and sex are both contingent, rather than essential, properties, and that, due to this contingency, they may be subject to fluctuation. After I cover my reasons for operating within a constitutional perspective, I will explain how the experiences of trans* and bisexual people persuades my conviction towards gender contingency as opposed to gender essentialism.

II. Definitions and Framework for the Purpose of Establishing a Constitution Framework
Firstly, as to the nature of the body, soul and mind: for the purposes of this argument, I will define the body as the biological network of organic matter and processes constituting a living organism, including the brain (simply a network of neural tissue); the mind as the composite of the brain and its functions, which are experienced differently than other biological functions; and the soul as a theoretical personal entity inhabiting but existing separately from either the mind or body. I offer the following as support for the objective metaphysical nonexistence of the soul:

It is more parsimonious to assign objective metaphysical existence to nothing which cannot be tested and confirmed to exist, although subjective existence (that which resides within the mind) may be preserved for anything which is experienced or believed without such evidence. There is little evidence for the objective metaphysical existence of a soul because it has no physical presence (unlike the body) and those traits assigned to it are more explainable by observed physical (neuroscientific) or mental (psychological) phenomena than the acute disruption of these phenomena. These fields of study – neuroscience and psychology – examine the brain and its composite functions, which covers my definition of the “mind.” Therefore, any experiences or properties assigned to souls can be considered within the realm of the mind. Only because there is a distinct observable function to neural tissue, namely consciousness, which is completely subjectively experienced, should the mind be considered a distinguishable entity from the body, and not because it is inherently distinguishable from the rest of the body.

Given that the traits “sex” and “gender” must, then, be properties of the mind and/or body, the ways in which these two traits have been observed to interact with and distinguish themselves from one another should be addressed. Sex is an objective bodily trait encompassing chromosomes, sex organs, secondary sex characteristics, and hormones, while gender is a subjective mental trait referring to identity as “woman,” “man,” or something in between or other from these categories, influenced but not defined by social role, form of communication, and personal association. Both gender and sex come about by way of genetic, hormonal and lived conditions, and thus are related, but not inextricably bound.

III. Description of First Argument in Contention
The traditionally accepted relationship between sex and gender is that sex causally determines gender, as well as many other traits associated and conflated with gender (especially sexual orientation and gender expression). The argument is that because binary gender is an essential property of not only personhood but societal structure, any divergence from the “norm” with regard to gender or sex should be corrected to prevent socio-psychological strain, as in the case of medically unnecessary operations on intersex babies' genitals. Gender and sex are objective, not subjective, realities, and are permanent in this view.

IV. First Argument (with Response to First Argument in Contention)
I maintain that gender is a subjective, and not objective, reality, and that both sex and gender have capacity for impermanence. The view described above is very quickly falling out of popularity because although binary male/female gender has a rough correlation with binary male/female sex, much research has been done to support that neither flows causally from the other. Rather, they are understood to flow causally from similar sources, such as prenatal hormones and societal discourse opening possibility to conceive of personhood outside of existing categories (Garcia-Falguerras) (Butler).

In practice, as well as in research and theory, gender and sex clearly do not always move together in to two mutually exclusive and permanent categories. Transgender people have a variety of experiences and identities diverging from the expectation that assigned sex corresponds to a certain gender identity. Many (though not all) among the trans* community have a condition with latent symptoms similar to Major Depression called Gender Dysphoria, product of a discrepancy between internal sex (the mind's expectation of a bodily experience) and external sex (physical reality of body). In combination with social dysphoria and bodily dysphoria (conscious mental discomfort with social identity and sexed bodily traits respectively), this creates a need for the mind and the body to be reconciled to achieve bodily, mental, and social health. This transition is undergone at abnormally high rates of success, where only 1-2% regret undergoing treatment, and only due to misdiagnosis, social marginalization, or poor surgical results (Kuiper). This leads me to conclude that gender cannot be determined by or inextricably bound to sex, because harm is averted and not caused by the ability of trans* people to align their bodies (considered to be objective) with their self-identified genders (considered to be subjective).

V. Second Argument in Contention
At first, this seems to indicate a different gender essentialism, since trans* people, regardless of assigned sex, often have deep and fairly unwavering intuition of their own genders and internal sexes. Many theorists and their popular followings claim that transsexuals must transition because their beings and all beings – perhaps our souls, but more often our “pre-wired” brain structure – are essentially the gender that they are. This is the same cultural trend tending toward the notion popularized by Lady Gaga's song by this title that all LGBT people, particularly monosexuals, are “born this way.” Although this seems affirming and progressive, especially in contrast to the more prevalent gender essentialist theory entailing obligatory permanence of gender in alignment with assigned sex, a deeper, less binary exploration of trans* and bi experience identifies several deep problems with this philosophy.

VI. Response to Second Argument in Contention
Non-binary experience and transition provide good reason to deny the permanence of gender. Among those with transgender identity that is not binary, satisfactory transition is often achieved even when the individual is fairly genderfluid. They may alter their physical sex by getting surgery or going on a dosage of other sex hormone and be completely comfortable with their physical transition at that time. But they may also have any number of gender expressions and identities over time, sometimes cutting their hair short and passing as a man, sometimes wearing skirts and blouses to pass as a woman, and sometimes living neither gender. Many such people transition after years living as the gender assigned to them, never encountering Gender Dysphoria. But yet all of these traits are completely authentic to the individual expressing them, despite their impermanence, and these traits are sometimes mutually exclusive. That this is possible reveals that fluctuation is possible, removing credibility from both the stance that gender is unchangeably determined by sex and the stance that it is an essential inextricable quality of its own accord. Natural fluctuation in gender identity and expression makes it very difficult to assert that there is any one gendered trait that is determined at conception or during fetal development.

VII. Second Argument
I now aim to propose a more distinct description of the nature of gender, if it is indeed nonessential. My claim is that the nature of gender (as explored above) can be compared to other, similar traits, and concluded to be best understood of as a trait of becoming rather than being (Butler, 43). Although most gender identities do not fluctuate considerably, non-gendered traits may do so as well. For example, a knack for maths and sciences may or may not be a fluctuating trait for a given individual, but that fluctuation or the lack thereof does not necessarily implicates either inseparability from the very nature of that mind or the invalidity of this disposition. Therefore, neither the incongruity of sex and gender nor the fluctuation of gender provides sufficient reason to assert that gender is an essential trait. Like predisposition to maths and sciences, gender and sexuality may be contingent on any number of (largely unidentifiable) genetic, hormonal, and sociocultural factors. These factors continue to impact the individual over time, creating potential for change. Therefore, becoming traits may never change, but are also not bound by past or present states of being, and thus are not essential traits.

VII. Third Argument (with Reference to First and Second Arguments in Contention)
Queer-, pan-, bi-, and other nonmonosexual-identified people often experience significant fluctuation in the degree to which they are attracted to certain genders and gender expressions over time, providing reason to reject the essentiality of gendered traits as a whole. Fluidity of queer identity sometimes leads to a shift in label identification over time (for example, from gay to bi to queer to gay again) (Diamond). Genderfluid individuals in particular often experience fluctuation in the degree to which they are attracted to other genders as their own genders shift. Once again, this makes it seem extremely unlikely that any one of the gendered traits with which they identify (manhood/womanhood, genderqueerness, various sexual orientations) are essential to human nature, even if they are linked to one another, impact one another, and cannot be manipulated by volition into something outside the realm of potential for an individual at a given time. While identities must be respected and legitimized even in their temporality, fluctuation of orientation in relations to other sex and gender related experiences that all fall outside of conventional categories is simply too common for gender essentialism of either tradition addressed to hold ground.

VIII. Conclusion
The position I have advocated for stands that fluctuations in gender and sexual identity provide ample reason to affirm the validity of nonbinary identities and reject the notion that gender and sexual identities must not or cannot change due to their essentiality. I have defended a contingent philosophy of gender by explaining the superior credibility of a constitution view of metaphysics as well as the ways in which this system and the possibility of gender incongruence, fluid gender, and fluid sexual experience implicate the nonessentiality of gender. With this understanding, more possibilities for individuals falling outside the expectations of limiting essentialist perspectives might be opened, allowing potential for each individual's experience and not societal restrictions to govern their identity and performance over time.

Works Cited
Butler, Judith. Gender Trouble. New York: Routledge, 1999.
Diamond, Lisa M. "Female Bisexuality From Adolescence to Adulthood: Results From a 10-Year Longitudinal Study." Developmental Psychology 44.1, 5-14 (2008).
Garcia-Falgueras, Alicia, and Dick F. Swaab. "Sexual Hormones and the Brain: An Essential Alliance for Sexual Identity and Sexual Orientation, in Endocrine Development." PubMed 17 (2010).
Kuiper, A.J., and P.T. Cohen-Kettenis. "Gender Role Reversal among Postoperative Transsexuals." The International Journal of Transgenderism 2.3 (1998).

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Intersex Erasure

Reposted from mariedippenaar.tumblr.com

Researchers determine Y-chromosome mutations reveal precariousness of male development

There are so many issues with this article that are subtle enough that it would typically go completely uncriticized. I actually ran across this article linked from Sam Killerman, who’s an LGBTQ activist and educator… For the sake of discussing issues that are usually completely overlooked by LGB people/allies and not necessarily for legitimate criticism:

1) It is astounding how easily this article accepts feminine gender in women with Swyer syndrome, given its tone and the way it dances around binary, adamantly refusing reference to intersexuality. Sex, like anything, is a relatively arbitrary system of categorizations. The line between “male” and “female” is located somewhere along the criteria of genitals, chromosomes, secondary sex characteristics, and internal sex/gender, and it’s not just one homogenous entity, as most believe. More often than not, the latter is completely ignored and the rest is assumed to extend from secondary sex characteristics, with genitals most certainly at the center of attention. Many people coming at this kind of discussion from the angle this article is choose to prioritize chromosomes and become conflicted about calling these women “daughters” or “she” … This one actually feels defensive, like it’s trying to catch people before they know what’s going on with the insistence that people with Swyer are girls before people have a chance to imagine that they (and all of us) might be something more complicated than that.

2) So let’s talk about the conflation of sex and gender. It’s fascinating to me with what frequency super intense and highly-technical biological descriptions of this sort can be given without any sign that they’re remotely aware that they’re speaking within a social context. A queer social context. Now, I get that intersex people are kind of in their own world sometimes because their condition’s hidden from them and all that, but the mere existence of intersexuality is so subversive of mainstream assumptions about the way that sex and gender and sexuality work that this kind of article really can’t afford to steer as clear as it does without sounding a little funny and clueless.

What this means is that after this big ol’ super complicated awesome explanation about hormones and the biological relationship between the SRY gene and embryonic hormone production and gonadal development/dysgenesis to… (paraphrased) “Intersex people were evolutionarily advantageous to prehistory because they broadened populations' spectra of social competencies and helped challenge conservative traditions.” 

WAT. Just what. I’m guessing that intersex women in prehistory would mostly have been vulnerable to early deaths due to bone fractures and osteoporosis… or various sexual abuses… And in any case, I’m guessing that ambiguous sexual anatomy would not have lead to any more gender variance than this author allows for in their own article.

It literally spends the entire article assuming that these people are daughters and women and female and all this, and then they’re like, NOPE GUESS WHAT THEY DEFINITELY HAVE DIVERSE GENDER AND THAT’S SPECIAL.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Uninclusive Inclusive Bathrooms


Every time I think about it it becomes more absurd. I imagine a conversation something like this:

Why a dress?
Oh, because it’s what distinguishes men from women.
So men can’t wear dresses?
No, they can, but it’d be taboo.
So people in dresses can technically go into men’s restrooms and most people in the women’s restroom wear pants - what actually distinguishes the bathrooms from each other?
Gender, of course!
Wait, so gender, this elusive, often variable, internal concept, determines where we pee?
Well, by “gender,” I really meant “sex.” Like penis and vagina.
…Still an elusive, sometimes variable concept. Also WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO WORRIED ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S GENITALS YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO SEE OR HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH