Stereotypes

So, yesterday I was hanging out at a mall waiting for my mom to get done visiting with an old lady friend of hers that lives nearby. I decided to sit on the benches in the little kids' play area, because they were padded and soft and it was fun to watch the little kids play.

There with the kids was a woman in her late twenties, ish, sitting next to another woman of roughly the same age. The first woman was slightly stalkier, but not fat, and had shortish, curly brown hair. She had square, thick-rimmed glasses and was wearing a Doctor Who T-shirt. She laughed frequently enough, but otherwise had a very calm, stable-looking expression.

The woman she was next to was blonde, rather skinny, had a very typical mommy look, and had all the essentials with her in a big bag: sippy cups, toys, animal crackers, baby wipes. You know. A few feet down from them was a woman that looked North African, nursing a small baby under an elaborately-decorated cloth. She was clean-looking and wore colorful earth tones. She looked around attentively, and with a calm, neutral expression on her face.

There were two men sitting to the right of them, both slightly unshaven. The one looked Indian, was wearing loose-fit jeans, tennis shoes, a hoodie, and a dark T-shirt. The second was wearing a blue and white striped polo, had blonde hair and German complexion, and was wearing slightly narrower jeans with dressier shoes. He fussed over his child much more frequently than the Indian guy.

There was a woman at the far end of the pit that looked Mexican, had dark skin, and spoke quickly in Spanish. She seemed in her early twenties and was there with two children. She followed them around the whole time, absolutely delighted by them, and seeming worried that they'd get hurt or hurt other kids.

I sat there wondering to myself at the strength of the stereotypes I'd built up for every single one of those people. I could glean things from the way they presented themselves that were as specific as what their hobbies might be, where they might come from, what education they'd had, and what kids of personalities they had. I challenged myself to more specific questions: which is most likely to be obsessed with video games? Unquestionably the fourth one over. Which most likely has an account on tumblr? Unquestionably the first. Which is most likely to read National Geographic? The third. And so we go. Which is most likely to spend time in Hawai'i over the course of the next three years? The fifth. And really, they were all just parents and caretakers there with their kids.

I wonder sometimes whether it's fair that I should judge people like the first woman on that list as part of the queer community on tumblr, or make such categorizations based on blatant stereotypes. Because stereotypes are so culturally-informed, and therefore not inherent to anything we're judging, it becomes difficult to ascertain the veracity of our conclusions. And yet, often people even within the most progressive communities confirm the acceptability of the use of stereotype. Who's going to say gaydar doesn't exist? It certainly does, and it's often accurate. But what happens when you judge someone in a certain way and they turn out to defy those expectations? What if those couple girls I pass in the hall that set off my gaydar aren't there for any good reason? What if that first woman I described hates social media, has a husband waiting for her at home, and small group at a Baptist church to go to tonight? There's such a fine line between expecting stereotypes to be true and acknowledging they often are, and  it's difficult to use that knowledge to the benefit of social interactions instead of to their detriment.