I
was first attracted to this project by a conversation I was having
with a couple people on my floor about the various pressures and
expectations they felt as women and as girlfriends. They were both
straight, and fairly average Calvin girls in many ways, at that –
one of them in particular was Dutch, CRC, smart, really wanted
relationships (a lot), and was afraid that she wouldn't be able to
attract the right spouse. Since I am a gay woman myself and usually
only talk about relationships with other queer people, I was
intrigued by the way she spoke about her desires and the expectations
she felt, since these things seemed remarkably different in
comparison to the tendencies I was familiar with from the LGBT
culture on campus. So I set out to do a diagnostic survey using 25
students from KHvR as my control group (only one identified as “gay”)
and 10 from SAGA as my test group (only one identified as
“straight”). Although the small sample size clearly means that
very few definitive answers can be pulled from my results, many of
the results were very telling.
Firstly,
I should note that several factors I believed would have at least a
noticeable effect on answers to questions had little to no effect
whatsoever. For example, male vs. female gender had very little
effect on any answers (though males tended to be more extreme in
their answers either way); the degree to which people's upbringing
was conservative also had absolutely no correlation to LGBT versus
straight identity; and no group (LGBT, straight, men, women)
identified particularly more or less strongly with their gender.
Although ability to relate to cultural portrayals of gender and
relationships alike had much more variety, people's own attachment to
gender identity was remarkably less variable – in fact, there was
not a single answer among the 35 people surveyed that dropped below 3
for Question 9 – that is, no one surveyed, either among LGBT or
control, said they did not
feel connected to their gender identity. The only interesting
relationship that emerged in relation to connection to gender
identity was that there was a marked increase in the number of people
that felt a strong desire to have a relationship like their parents'
that also felt very connected to their gender identity, but the rest
of the data points were evenly distributed even for this
relationship, resulting in an insignificant Chi Square value.
Most
people asked would probably answer that LGBT people would be much
less likely to identify very strongly with their genders, since they
often deviate from an established societal norm – it was only
slightly less. What proved more relevant differences between LGBT
individuals were the following:
- Desire to be in a committed relationship by age 25
- Desire to be more like same-gendered parent than other-gendered parent
- Belief that “male” and “female” have clear, set meanings
- Desire for Calvin College's campus culture to have less rigid expectations for the gender roles/presentations and relationship wants of its students
The
straight control did still say more often than not that they did want
Calvin's campus culture to have less rigid expectations for
relationship desires and lifestyle plans of its students, but on
every other matter, they seemed to be on opposite sides of neutral:
LGBT students were neutral about marriage before age 25, where
straight students wanted it more often than not; they were neutral
about wanting to be in a committed relationship as soon as possible,
where LGBT students answered “no” more frequently than not.
Straight students felt more obligated than not to have relationships
like their parents' (where LGBT students did not), were
overwhelmingly less likely to change their religious classification
over time, related to cultural portrayals of sex and gender (where
LGBT students did not), and felt that “male” and “female” had
rigid meanings (where LGBT decidedly did not). Straight students said
they would feel more shame, external disapproval, and personal loss
if they were not in a relationship by age 35, with the strange
exception of gay men, who actually said they'd feel a greater
personal loss. This is attributable to sample size, but there were
several questions where the “gay/lesbian” demographic had much
greater similarity to the “straight” demographic than the
“bisexual” demographic.
For
example, bisexuals unanimously did not want to have a relationship
like their parents, while gays/lesbians did. They felt less strongly
than gays/lesbians that “male” and “female” had clear
meanings (in fact, they unanimously answered “strongly disagree”).
They had less desire to be in a relationship quickly, believed they'd
feel less loss/disapproval if they were not in a relationship by 35,
and related less strongly to cultural portrayals of
relationships/gender. An exception was that they unanimously said
that they felt much more strongly connected to their gender identity
than gays/lesbians, putting them closer to the straight demographic
on that (and only that) term.
But
as has been stated, many of these tendencies are easily attributable
to small sample size. Broader correlations may provide greater
insight. A significant positive correlation (Chi Square value <
0.03) was found between the extent to which people related to
cultural portrayals of relationships and the extent to which they
believed “male” and “female” have clear, set meanings, and an
even more significant correlation ( < 0.01) was found between the
extent to which people relate to cultural portrayals of gender and
the extent to which they believed “male” and “female” have
clear, set meanings. This certainly (and unsurprisingly) suggests
that those with nonstandard or culturally-alienated genders are
forced to recognize that gender doesn't fit into neat boxes, while
those who align to stereotypes have less of a need to come to such
conclusions. Perhaps more interestingly, there was also a significant
relationship between the desire to be in a committed relationship as
soon as possible and ability to relate to cultural portrayals of
relationships, and, more significantly, to gender. This seems to say
that gender-typical students have an even greater likelihood to feel
pressure to be in a committed relationship as soon as possible than
relationship-typical students, revealing a close link between
people's relationships to their own genders and their romantic lives.
That's further supported by the fact that those that believed that
“male” and “female” have clear, set meanings were far more
likely to want to be married by age 25 than those who did not.
Though, again, some of this may be due to small sample size, such
findings are increasingly believable evidence of the pervasive impact
of culturally-reinforced rigid gender roles on straight culture.
As the out-LGBTQ population at
Calvin continues to grow, I hope that avenues will open for
conversations about gender and sexuality to take place between the
respective cultures, because I genuinely believe much can be learned,
particularly by straight students (since LGBT students generally
already have so much exposure to straight culture). The conversation
I had with my friends that sparked this study revealed many of the
attitudes this survey confirmed: the “ring by spring” rush, the
much stronger connection to parents and culture, greater pressure to
be in relationships and conform to gender norms. Regardless of
moral/Biblical views on homosexuality, looking through the eyes of a
population that's increasingly present on campus and seems to differ
fairly little from the average Calvin student in ways other than
gender and sexuality could open up new possibilities and modes of
thought for straight students to consider. At very least, I have seen
it do so for many straight people I've known, and I have learned much
from their stories, as well, as they open up. I would be very curious
to see followup studies exploring the differences between gay/lesbian
and bisexual students experiences of gender and sexuality, since the
huge differences in this survey seemed to be indicative of small
sample size, as well a a more in-depth look at the various social
pressures generated from desires and expectations to be in certain
types of relationships. As long as romantic relationships continue to
be such a big part of Calvin's culture, it's hardly something we'll
be able to ignore.
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